A Mighty Work in my Heart

I've gone back in forth in my head, on whether or not to write this post. But since i'm writting something now, you can gather that I've chosen to go ahead with it.
It's going to be a long post, so I pray that you hang with me and are able to read the whole thing. I write this post, not because I want pity, but because I want the Lord to be glorified through what I'm writing, and I desire for all of you to be encouraged through my circumstance.

Three weeks ago I came down with a common cold, but due to my crazy schedule with nursing school and my lack of sleep, my body was unable to fight it off quickly. So, it's lasted 2 weeks. Week number three, which happened to be finals week, I woke up Thursday morning (May 22nd) dizzy, weak in the knees and unusually exhausted. But it was clinical day, and if you skip clinicals the week of finals, you automatically get 10% knocked of your grade, so I went anyway. It was my day to drive, but I knew there was no way I could get behind a wheel. One of the girl's I carpooled with kindly offered to drive, I slept the 45 minute drive there.

Once we arrived, I knew there was absolutely no way I could work with my patient's for the day, so I explained my situation to our clinical instructor, turned in my patient's care plan and filled out my student evaluation. By God's grace, she showed me much mercy and let me take the day off and as well didn't penalize me for not participating. Since I hadn't driven up on my own I had no way of getting home, so my only resort was to lay in the back of my friend's car for the next 7 hours. I dozed in and out of sleep, was hallucinating, i'm not sure if it occured in my dreams or when I was awake. Finally by 9:00 a.m. I called my mom, she offered to come pick me up and take me over to Delnor Hospital; Geneva Family Practice. My doctor's first hunch was that I had mono. So, I had some blood work done, and then had it sent into the lab to figure out what was wrong.

My heart immediately sank, I knew at that point that the New Attitude Conference was out of the question, but I was more afraid of having mono. Mono can last for months and there's no way to cure it, you're body just has to fight it off on it's own.

I came home, knew that I had to study for my final the next morning, but my body couldn't. I believe I slept from 11:00 a.m. until 7:oo p.m. I woke up with un-real pain throughout my entire body and I was unable to eat anything, my goal from that point on was to eat enough cheerios (the only the my stomach could tolerate) so that I could take medicine. I went to bed that night, very scared about getting up the next morning at 6:00 a.m. for my final. I didn't sleep at all that night, my mind was so awake, so full of fear, full of sin, full of doubt and I was truly scared. I knew that if I didn't make it to my final, I would be kicked out of the nursing program at school. Things are very strict there, it's hard to get into the program, but it's easy to get out. :-) I got out of bed at 5:30 a.m. and went downstairs and walked around crying out to my Savior for help and strength. My body just couldn't do it. I had enough strength to shower, but by the time I got back upstairs I collapsed on my bed and fell back asleep.

Friends, this next part blows me away. It shows me how mighty my Savior is, that he can even work in the lives of those that are not saved. My teacher showed me such mercy that day. I was praying so hard that God would give my teacher the grace to show me mercy, and He truly answered my prayers. My teacher called me later that day after the final was over, and her first words were "Brenna, I've heard you're not feeling good, how are you doing?" And then without questioning me, or even asking for a doctor's note proving that I was sick, she simply wanted to know when I could come in to take my final. She was even willing to let me rest and get better, and come in after Memorial Day. Not only did she spare me from being kicked out, but she also did not penalize me (5% off for every test missed).

So now at this point, a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders, but my heart was so sad that I couldn't attend the New Attitude Conference with my college group from church. For those of you that have never heard of or experienced New Attitude, there's only a few words that can sum it up = it's life changing. I base my whole year around it, I had the attitude of "get through school and then you get to go to New Attitude and be refreshed in the Lord, and draw closer to His Spirit". I had already anticipated what the Lord was going to do in my heart during that weekend, and I was so excited to be in fellowship with 3,000 other believers, to experience such moving worship, and to come away more in love with my Savior. The thing is, the Lord doesn't need a conference to work in my life.

Saturday I slept most the day. Sunday, I was still to sick to attend church, though I craved so strongly to go. The Lord prompted me to spend some time in worship and prayer. So, I put in the "Valley of Vision" CD, pulled up a chair, closed my eyes and sang to my Savior. At that moment I was imagining myself at New Attitude, singing my heart out. Tears heavily ran down my cheeks, because at that moment the Lord was doing such amazing work in my heart. I don't believe I've ever experienced such worship before, in gave me a taste of what it will be like to sing my Savior in heaven someday. All of my doubts, all of my feelings of insignificance, my lack of confidence in the Lord; they were washed away by my Savior's almighty hand. The Lord spoke to me very strongly, He said "Brenna, I'm making you weak, even weak in your physical body, so that you know that you are my beloved child. You're confidence belongs no where else but in me. I pursued you in your sin, what love is this? This love is for my beloved children"

Oh how the Lord restored my soul during that time. He gave me such joy! Words can not express what the Lord has done in my heart through this circumstance. While, I was sick, my Mom kept reminding me that such trials make us stronger. I didn't agree with her at the moment, but now I have been able to thank the Lord for what He did in my life. My faith has been made stronger and my confidence in the Lord much greater.

Thank you Andrea for the verse you encouraged me with at care group I John 3: 1-3, and thank you so much for praying with me on the phone. I am thankful for you!

Thank you Aunt Sara for your encouraging e-mail and for sharing your great thoughts based off of Psalms 62:7

THANK YOU Mom for helping me while I was sick, not only helping me to get better in my physical body, but thank you for being concerned about my heart and for giving me hope. You are such an example of God's love and I am so thankful that you are my mother

Thank you to my care group from church for praying for me last weekend while you were in New Attitude. Thank you also for the wonderful card, it brought a huge smile to my face. :-)

Most importantly, thank you Jesus for being my Savior and for pursuing me in my Sin. Thank you for trials and thank you for this last cirumstance and for bringing about such good in it.

Thanks for sticking with me and reading this long post, I hope you were encouraged!
Oh and as an update, I do not have mono! AND my final went really well yesterday! Praise God!